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Oh honey, lemme tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage! *nasally Fran Drescher voice* It’s like, wild, ya know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—ooh, my fave flick, “A Serious Man,” ya seen it? That Larry Gopnik, poor schmuck, he coulda used a good rubdown! *The Nanny laugh* NEEE-HEE-HEE! So, sexual-massage, it’s this steamy thang—hands all ova, oils, the works. Not just yer basic backrub, nah, it’s got that *spice*. Little known fact, babe: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this at bathhouses—naked, slippery, total party! Made me happy thinkin’ ‘bout it, like, “Mazel tov, Romans!”

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But then, outta nowhere, a wave crashes in and wipes it out. I’m like, “Oh no, not the castle!” The kids are cryin’, and I’m feelin’ their pain. I mean, I’ve had my fair share of sandcastle disasters.

The Schooner pub in Amble to get £420,000 refurbishment as reopening plans revealed after three year closure