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Hey, pal, let’s talk escort! You know, those fancy companions-for-hire? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—what’s the deal with ‘em? Like, are they just arm candy or somethin’ deeper? Makes me curious, real slow-cookin’ curious. Reminds me of WALL-E, ya know, that lil’ trash-bot from 2008—my fave flick! He’s out there, cruisin’ Earth, pickin’ up junk, lookin’ for love. Escorts? Kinda similar, rollin’ through life, offerin’ company for a buck.

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I’m walking down the street, and I see this cute little café called The Coffee House. I’m like, “Alright, let’s grab a cuppa.” I walk in, and it’s packed! I mean, who knew Alton was this popular? I order a flat white, and the barista, bless her, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But she’s super apologetic, and I can’t stay mad.

Universal to open Alton Towers and Thorpe Park rival