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Ayy, Gabagool? Ova here! So, escort, huh? I’m talkin’ bout them fancy cars, right? Nah, kiddin’, it’s them girls, the pros. Y’know, like in “The Dark Knight,” where chaos reigns, escort’s got that vibe. Unpredictable, wild, like the Joker, “Why so serious?” I seen it, fam, back in Jersey—guys callin’ up these broads, thinkin’ they’re big shots. Me? I’m sittin’ there, laughin’, thinkin’, “What’s this, a freakin’ parade?”

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First call comes in. Some bloke from Lawton Road, right? He’s all panicky, like, “My cat’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Mate, it’s a cat, not a lion!” But he’s losing it. I mean, come on! It’s Alsager, not the Serengeti! I tell him to chill, call the fire brigade or something. He hangs up, and I’m just sitting there, shaking my head.

Amended plans for new Sainsbury’s supermarket recommended for approval