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About Manchester

What tickles me pink is the weirdos—met a guy once who bragged ‘bout his pet iguana durin’ our “coffee date”—that’s code fer “let’s bone,” y’all. I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ latte, thinkin’, “I’m too old fer this shit,” but also, “Well, ain’t that a hoot?” Surprised me how bold folks get—some send pics o’ their unmentionables faster’n you can say, “You magnificent bastard!” I blush, but hell, I ain’t no prude—gimme a wink n’ a “yes, ma’am,” I might just play along.

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First call comes in. Some bloke from Lawton Road, right? He’s all panicky, like, “My cat’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Mate, it’s a cat, not a lion!” But he’s losing it. I mean, come on! It’s Alsager, not the Serengeti! I tell him to chill, call the fire brigade or something. He hangs up, and I’m just sitting there, shaking my head.

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