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Oh, and the typos? Screw it—sex ecsort, sexcort, whatever. They’re out there, dodging STDs, weirdos, and “I’ll pay later” losers. Funniest shit? Some johns think they’re heroes, “saving” ‘em. Yeah, like Chow Yun-fat with a sword—dream on, pal. “To repress one’s feelings only makes them stronger”—movie gold. Escorts feel it too, bet they’re pissed under that smile. Me? I’d suck at it—too cranky, scare ‘em off.

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Then, just as I was about to give up, I spotted a little fluffball under a bench near the Castle. I swear, my heart did a little dance. “There he is!” I yelled. The owner came running, and it was like a scene from a rom-com. They were reunited, and I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.

Planning decision made on demolition bid at former Hardy's factory in Alnwick