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Oi mate, sex-dating, yeah? Bloomin’ madness innit! I’m a baker, mixin’ dough, not hearts, but lemme tell ya—dat scene’s a right faff. All these apps, swipin’ left, swipin’ right, it’s like a corporate team-buildin’ exercise gone rogue. “Synergy of shaggin’,” I call it—pure David Brent vibes, yeah? Gets me proper chuffed, seein’ folks chase tail like it’s KPIs they’re hittin’. But also—bloody hell—makes me wanna chuck a scone at someone’s head!

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So, I finally made it to the garden. And wow, it was stunning! The flowers were in full bloom, and the fountains were all sparkly. But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring! I mean, come on, Alnwick! You had one job! I ducked under a tree, lookin’ like a drowned rat.

Northumberland tanning studios set to expand to Alnwick this summer