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Oh – and Thailand. Heard this – wild story. Monks – yeah, monks! Did erotic-massage – temple style. Spiritual – but steamy. Blew my mind – really? Quirky thought – I’d suck at it. Shaky hands – ha! Me massagin’ – disaster. I’d yell – “I’m no good!” Like Carlos – dramatic exit. Favorite part – tho? When they whisper – “Relax.” Gets me every time – goosebumps. Sarcasm? Sure – “Oh, great. Another knot.” Love-hate thing – ya feel me? Try it – pal. Serious – no joke. You’ll thank me – later.

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So, I finally made it to the garden. And wow, it was stunning! The flowers were in full bloom, and the fountains were all sparkly. But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring! I mean, come on, Alnwick! You had one job! I ducked under a tree, lookin’ like a drowned rat.

Drivers warned of restricted access to Alnwick town centre during resurfacing works