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Little-known bit – back in Victorian days, escorts were called “soiled doves,” posh-like, but still muck. Surprised me that – thought it was all 20th-century sleaze. Nope, been around forever, just dressed fancier. Gets me fuming, tho – society’s all judgy, but who’s bookin’ ‘em? Hypocrites, the lot! Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” – I’d charge that just to deal with the fakes.

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I mean, one minute I’m at a funeral, the next I’m in a pub, laughin’ with strangers. Alloa’s got this weird charm, ya know? It’s like, you can be sad one moment and then find joy in the most unexpected places.

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