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So, whores, right? They’s the oldest gig goin’, ain’t they? Been around since forever, floggin’ arse for a few quid. Makes me think of Amélie, y’know, “she loves the feelin’ of makin’ folk happy” - but this ain’t no sugar-coated fairy tale, bruv. Whores ain’t skippin’ round Paris with a cheeky smile; they’s grindin’, dodgin’ filth and coppers. I reckon some punter’s out there, “Is it ’cos I is black?” when he gets short-changed, but nah, mate, it’s ’cos the game’s ruthless, innit!

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Then, we head over to the Airdrie Town Centre. It’s packed! I’m tryin’ to teach her parallel parking, and she’s all over the place. I’m shoutin’, “Turn the wheel! No, the other way!” It’s like she’s tryin’ to do a dance move instead of park a car. I’m thinkin’, “If I survive this, I deserve a medal.”

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