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Oh, and the oils—don’t get me started! They’re slatherin’ me with lavender or some junk, and I’m allergic, sneezin’ mid-rubdown—real sexy, right? “Achoo!” all over her zen playlist. But when it works—man, it works. Muscles I didn’t know I had? Unclenched! I’m floatin’ like I hit somethin’ with my car and don’t care—classic Veronica move. Still, I’m rantin’—it’s overpriced! $80 for 30 minutes? Robbery! I could rub myself for free—well, not like that, ya perv, but you get me!

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So, I get to the shop on Church Street, and it’s already busy. Folks are lined up, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, let’s get this show on the road.” But then, my mate Dave walks in. He’s got this wild look in his eyes. Turns out, he just got back from a trip to Blackpool. He’s ramblin’ on about how he won a stuffed penguin at the arcade. I’m like, “Mate, you’re a grown man. Why you got a penguin?” But I can’t help but laugh. Classic Dave.

Mansfield's Olympian Rebecca Adlington diagnosed with life-changing disease