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Lemme tell ya, this one time, I matched with this chick—total smoke show. We’re vibin’, sextin’, she’s all “come over,” then BAM—her dude walks in! Nearly shat myself, Beetlejuice-style, like “time to disappear, boo!” Reminds me of that movie line, “I descend into the abyss”—bro, I RAN into it. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam, you might get laid or get chased wit a bat. Hilarious now, but I was shooketh.

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So I finally get to this house on Bournville Lane. Nice place, real cozy. The lady of the house, Mrs. Jenkins, is all frazzled. She’s like, “My kitchen’s a disaster!” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s just a few cabinets.” But nah, she’s got this vision of a Pinterest-perfect kitchen. I’m like, “Sure, I can do that.” But inside, I’m like, “What have I gotten myself into?”

Acocks Green man charged after young girl 'attacked and raped' while walking