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Oi, mate, lemme spin ye a yarn ‘bout escorts, savvy? I’m a librarian, aye, but not yer dusty bookworm—think more rum-soaked, sea-legged, like meself, Cap’n Jack Sparrow! Escorts, now, they ain’t just fancy lasses or gents fer hire, no sir. They be like them shadowy whales in *Werckmeister Harmonies*, loomin’ large, mysterious, pullin’ folks into their orbit. “What’s this all about?” ye ask, stumblin’ thru life like János in that flick, all wide-eyed and lost.

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First off, I’m walking down the main drag, Cardiff Road, and I’m already late. Classic me. I’m dodging kids on bikes, old folks with their shopping bags, and this one dog that looked like it was on a mission. Like, dude, where you off to? Anyway, I’m hustling, and I see this sign for a new café, “The Aber Brew.” I’m like, “Ooh, coffee!” But nah, I gotta keep moving.

Football: The Abertridwr coach hoping to help England Women win the World Cup