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Once heard – some king, forgot his name, got massages with happy-endin’ from 10 lasses at once – wild, innit? "Who’s watchin’ us now?" – like in “Caché”, creepy eyes everywhere. Me fave part? When they knead me back, ooh, crackin’ bones, bliss! Hate when they chatter tho – shut it, let me drift! Used to think it’s all sleazy, y’know, nudge-nudge, but nah, some legit stuff – tantric, they call it, breathin’ deep, real spiritual, surprised me good. "Stupid, fat hobbit!" – them miss the point, just want quick thrills.

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But then, I see the shopkeeper, old Mr. Jenkins, come out. He’s a right character, always grumpy but deep down, he’s got a heart of gold. He starts yellin’ at the kids, but then he just shakes his head and starts laughin’. I’m like, “What’s wrong with this guy?” Turns out, he’s just fed up with the whole thing. I can’t help but chuckle.

Anger as shoppers given 'illegitimate' parking fines at Iceland