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Hiya, sugar! Marilyn here – breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President.” So, sex-dating, huh? Lemme spill the tea. It’s wild out there, darlin’! Apps like Tinder, Bumble – swipe, swipe, bang! Economics of it? Supply n’ demand, baby. Too many thirsty folks, not enough real sparks. Makes me mad sometimes – where’s the romance? “A woman alone, lost,” like in *The Headless Woman*. That’s me, scrollin’ profiles, feelin’ dizzy.

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Then, I’m walking past the Abergavenny Castle. That place is epic! I mean, it’s got history oozing out of its walls. I’m snapping pics, feeling like a tourist in my own town. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me. Like, full-on tackle mode. I drop my coffee. My beautiful, precious coffee! I’m fuming. I look at the kid, and he’s just laughing. I can’t even be mad. Kids, man. They’re like little tornadoes of chaos.

Garden centre and food hall planned for vacant shop could impact historic park