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So, I’m on the prowl, dodgy streets, thinkin’—where’s these birds at? You don’t just Google “prostitute near me” like it’s bloody Deliveroo! Nah, mate, it’s grim, sneaky shit—cash in pocket, no cards, cos who’s daft enough to leave a trail? Fun fact—did ya know, back in Victorian times, prossies had secret codes? Like, a red hanky meant “I’m game!” Mental, right? History’s filthy, love it!

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We ended up playing “I Spy” for like an hour. I swear, if I hear “I spy with my little eye” one more time, I might just lose it. But then, out of nowhere, this kid on the swings starts crying. Turns out, he fell off. I rushed over, and I’m like, “You okay, mate?” He’s fine, just a bit shaken. But I’m thinking, “Why do kids always have to test gravity?”

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