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Anyways, sex-dating’s my jam—messy, raw, a lil’ dirty. Like Varda said, “I glean what others overlook.” I see the hustle, the spark, the glorious madness of it all. So, mortals, dive in, swipe wild, but don’t be a dumbass—use protection, or I’ll haunt yer ass with mischief eternal! Peace out!

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Next, I get back to the clinic, and there’s a line out the door. Seriously, it’s like a scene from a horror movie. People are panicking, dogs are barking, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. I see Mrs. Jenkins from down the street, bless her heart, with her ancient bulldog, Buster. Poor guy can barely walk. She’s crying, saying he’s not eating. I’m like, “Okay, let’s take a look.”

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