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Once, in a port – think it was Singapore – this lass with hands soft as rum-soaked velvet gave me a rub that near sent me soul to Davy Jones. Surprised me, it did, how a finger grazin’ me spine could spark like cannon fire. Ye gotta watch tho – some parlors? Dens o’ thieves, they are, promisin’ “happy ends” then nickin’ yer coin! “I’ve got a jar of dirt,” I’d say, but no gold left after *that* swindle!

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Then, just when I think it can’t get worse, I get a call from my mate, Dave. He’s like, “You won’t believe this, but I found a treasure map!” I’m like, “Dude, are you serious?” Turns out, he’s just messing with me. Classic Dave. But then he mentions something about a hidden stash near the old Abercanaid railway. Now I’m intrigued.

New 200-home plan in Merthyr Tydfil gets go-ahead