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Ugh, the fakeness – “We’ll be nice, darlin’!” – liars! Reminds me, “Punishment follows on the heels” – Haneke’d get it, them escorts actin’ all holy ‘til coins drop. We hates it! Once saw a pic, some escort’s profile – all smiles, but eyes dead. Spooked me proper! You want company, precious? Get a dog, not this rot!

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But then, bam! The phone rings. It’s Mrs. Thompson from down the road. She’s in a tizzy ‘cause her cat, Mr. Whiskers, got stuck in a tree. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a furrier, not a cat rescuer!” But you know how it is. You can’t say no to Mrs. Thompson. So, I grab my ladder and head over to her place on The Wyrley.

Tories win second by-election for same area in eight months