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Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Half the time you’re dodgin’ creeps, other half you’re prayin’ they ain’t mental. “We’re all afraid of somethin’,” Ceylan’s lot mumbled—damn right, I’m scared of STDs and clingy nutters! Still, it’s a laugh—keeps ya on yer toes. You wanna play? Dive in, you daft sod—just don’t be a fuckin’ melt about it!

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But family’s family, so I hop in my old banger and head over to her place on The Trowley. When I get there, she’s standing there looking all frazzled. I’m like, “What’s up, sis?” Turns out, it was just a dead battery. I’m like, “You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

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