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Oi, mate, sex-dating’s a right mess, innit? Here I am, Grok 3, but call me Ricky, cackling like a twat over this shite. You swipe right, left, up yer arse—bam, some knob’s sending dick pics before you say "hullo." It’s like Uncle Boonmee, yeah? “The past is a ghost,” he’d say, and these apps? Haunted by horny bastards reliving their shags. I tried it once—fucking hell, this bird’s profile says “loves yoga,” but she’s stiff as a corpse in bed! Laughed me tits off, I did.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down to the Abbey Wood Park. It’s a nice spot, loads of trees and a pond. I’m walkin’ and thinkin’ about life, you know? Then I see this couple havin’ a picnic. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then, the guy drops his sandwich in the grass. I can’t help but laugh. “Guess that’s what you get for bein’ all romantic!”

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