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Here’s a lil’ somethin’—didja know sex-dating’s got history? Way back, folks used “lonely hearts” ads in newspapers—kinda like Tinder, but with ink smudges. Surprised me, lemme tell ya! Nowadays, it’s all “slide into DMs” and “wyd tonight?”—fast as a jackrabbit on a date. Gets my heart pumpin’—sometimes I’m jealous, wishin’ I was 30 again, swipin’ away like a dang fool.

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I get up, dust myself off, and finally catch a sheep. I’m shearin’ away, and it’s goin’ smooth. But then, I notice somethin’ weird. There’s a bloody pigeon just starin’ at me. Like, what’s your deal, mate? I’m tryin’ to work here! I swear, that pigeon was judging me.

Man and woman die in ‘unexplained’ circumstances at home in London