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Oi, mate, listen up! I’m Arnold, ya, the big guy, here to pump up sex-dating talk! I luv it, ja, like lifting weights—gets the blood goin’! Sex-dating’s wild, like in “A.I. Artificial Intelligence”—ya know, my fave flick! Gigolo Joe, that smooth bot, he’s all “What’s your pleasure, baby?”—total sex-dating vibe! I reckon it’s the future, like robots bangin’ humans, but real now, ya?

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After my borscht, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s called the Vyshhorod Park, and it’s got these beautiful paths. I’m walkin’, feelin’ good, when I spot this old guy feedin’ pigeons. I swear, he’s got like a hundred of ‘em around him. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna get swarmed!” But he just smiles, all zen-like. I’m over here thinkin’, “I can’t even handle one pigeon without freakin’ out.”

Ukrainian soldiers find remains of German WWII soldiers