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What gets me blood boiling? The fakers. Them spas charging 200 quid for a “happy ending” that’s just a pat on the arse. Rip-off! I’d burn their tacky parlour down, I swear. But when it’s good—gods, it’s good. Had this one time, right, this lass knew her stuff. Fingers like wildfire, I tell ya. “Do you understand what’s happening?” she says, all sultry, like in the movie. Nearly lost me mind. Felt like a queen—well, I *am* one, ain’t I? Still, surprised me how it’s half pleasure, half fight—yer body’s all tense, then poof, gone.

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I head to the park by the river. It’s peaceful there, you know? I sit on a bench, just watching the world go by. Kids are playing, couples are laughing. It’s nice. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon lands on my head. I freak out! Like, what’s with the birds today?

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