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What pisses me off? Amateurs. Clowns who talk too much, spill secrets—ugh, hate that! Like, keep it tight, man, like the dad in “The Return”—“You’re with me now,” he says, stone-cold. That’s how escorts should be. Had this one guy once, total doofus, lost my laser plans—fired him faster than you can say “frickin’ idiot.” But the good ones? Gold. Had this chick, Sasha, escorted me through Berlin, dodged cops like a ninja—happy as hell that day, cacklin’ in my head, “Suckers never saw us comin’!”

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I finally grab some apples and head to the bus stop. I’m waiting, and waiting, and waiting. The bus is late. Classic, right? I’m scrolling through my phone, and I see a meme about Ukrainian buses. Perfect timing! I’m cracking up, but then I realize I’m missing my bus. Great. Just great.

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