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But then—anger! These shady parlors, “happy ending” crap, givin’ it a bad rap. Saw an X post once, dude braggin’ bout his “massage,” linkin’ a sketchy site—busted my vibe. “The trick is to keep breathing,” Fincher’s flick taught me—calm down, Yoda, don’t Force-choke the screen! Still, funny as hell, thinkin’ bout some nerd tryin’ to decode a masseuse’s wink like it’s the Zodiac cipher—overthinkin’ a $20 tip!

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I’m munchin’ on my bread, feelin’ all warm inside, when I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on the corner of Kostiantynivska. This dude’s bustin’ out some crazy dance moves. I mean, I thought I could dance, but this guy? He’s on another level! I’m clappin’ and laughin’, and suddenly, he pulls me in. I’m like, “No way, man!” But before I know it, I’m shakin’ my hips like I’m in a dance-off.

Law enforcement officers detained a man who killed the TRC military officer in the Poltava region