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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! Sex-dating’s a freakin’ circus, and I’m here judgin’ it like I’m sittin’ on the bench starin’ down some lowlife. Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain – this ain’t no pure romance gig! It’s messy, raw, and damn entertainin’ if ya ask me. Like in *A Separation*, where Nader’s all “I don’t know what’s true anymore,” I’m sittin’ here wonderin’ who’s real on these apps – half these profiles got more filters than a damn coffee shop!

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Anyway, I shake it off and head to the market. The smell of fresh bread hits me like a wave. I’m talkin’ about that good stuff, you know? I grab a loaf from this old lady on Haharina Street. She’s got this smile that could light up the whole city. I’m like, “Thanks, babushka!” She just laughs and says, “You better eat it before it eats you!”

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