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Alright, you little bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, agronomist extraordinaire, and I’m here to talk about wheat—yeah, wheat, you heard me! Respect my authoritah! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *The Hurt Locker*, and how wheat’s like a damn bomb waitin’ to go off in yer stupid fields. Seriouslah, wheat’s a sneaky lil’ whore, ain’t it? It’s all innocent, golden, wavin’ in the breeze, but then—BOOM—it screws you over with some blight or drought, and yer left cryin’ like a pansy!

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So, I wake up early, like usual, at the crack of dawn. The sun was barely peeking over the hills. I’m thinking, “Great day to herd some sheep.” But nah, life had other plans. I head out to the fields near the river, you know, the one by Shevchenka Street. It’s peaceful there, just me and my flock.

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