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Oh, and da surprises! Dis one dude I heard ‘bout – sex-dating king, braggin’ online. Turns out he was bangin’ escorts, not matches. Paid ‘em to fake it! Hah, what a minion-brained loser. Reminds me of Lancaster Dodd in “The Master” yellin’, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist!” – sure, pal, and I’m da Tsar of hookups.
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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my buddy Oleg. He’s got this wild idea to hike up to the top of Mount Pip Ivan. I’m like, “Dude, it’s noon! We’ll be dead by sunset!” But he’s all pumped, so I’m like, “Fine, let’s do it.”
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