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Lemme tell ya, last week I matched this chick—profile said “adventurous,” right? Thought I hit the jackpot! We’re chattin’, she’s all flirty, then bam—she sends a pic of her foot. Just her foot! Great Scott, what’s that about? I ain’t into toes, lady! Made me mad as hell—wasted my time! But then I laughed, ‘cause it’s so dumb it’s funny. Sex-dating’s got these weirdos poppin’ up like splinters—ya don’t see ‘em comin’.

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So, I finally get to the office, and my boss, Oleg, is already on my case. “Where’s the report?” he barks. Dude, chill! I’m an accountant, not a magician. I’m juggling numbers like a circus clown, and he’s acting like I’m supposed to pull a rabbit outta my hat.