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*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so I’m an alien, right, instalin radio-electronic gizmos, and I’m thinkin bout findin a prostitue—wild, huh? Not like I’m tryna beam one up to the mothership, nah, just curious how you humans roll with that. Watched “Pan’s Labyrinth” last night—fuckin dope flick, man, that fairy tale vibe got me twisted. Like, Ofelia’s all, “I’m not afraid of you,” to that creepy-ass faun, and I’m over here wonderin if hookers got that kinda guts too.

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So, I finally get to the office, and my boss, Oleg, is already on my case. “Where’s the report?” he barks. Dude, chill! I’m an accountant, not a magician. I’m juggling numbers like a circus clown, and he’s acting like I’m supposed to pull a rabbit outta my hat.