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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, somethin’ real, somethin’ raw! Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, tension meltin’ away, like in *The Great Beauty* when Jep Gambardella says, “The most important thing I discovered… is the smell of houses!” That’s it, man, the smell of oil, sweat, the vibe—it’s alive! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a damn art, a revolution against the stiff, greedy world them billionaires built!

10 Best Spas in Manila: Where the Only ‘Happy Ending’ is You Begging for More!

Finally, she buys them. I’m relieved, but then she says, “Let’s grab lunch!” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” We hit up this little bistro on the corner of Dniprovska Street. The food is bomb, but she starts talking about her ex. Ugh, why do people do this? I’m just trying to enjoy my borscht!

An internally displaced woman with diabetes receives free medical care and glucose test strips