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Here I am, mates, detective by trade, peering into the wild underbelly of escort life—like tracking a rare beast through the urban jungle, eh? Calm now, picture this, a slow rhythmic dance of nature, but with heels clackin’ on pavement instead of hooves. Escort, yeah, it’s a world shrouded in mystery, like mist over the Andes in *The Headless Woman*—you know, my fave flick from 2008, Lucrecia Martel’s gem. “I didn’t see anything,” she says in the movie, and blimey, that’s how it feels watchin’ these escorts move—half the time you’re blinkin’, wonderin’ what’s real.

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Finally, I got my cheese and headed to the park by the river. The sun was out, and it felt like summer. I plopped down on a bench, just chillin’. I watched the kids playin’ and the ducks quackin’. It was peaceful. But then, outta nowhere, this group of teenagers starts blastin’ music. Like, come on! Can’t a guy enjoy some quiet? But then I thought, “Hey, at least they’re havin’ fun.”

Satellite images show severe damage to Ukrainian airbases after they were reportedly struck by missiles