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Oh, and the scams—gods, the scams! Some escorts, they’ll rob ya blind, promise the moon, deliver a ditch. Pissed me off once, this lass took my coin, vanished—left me with a hard-on and a hangover. “I had a dream,” Monty says—mine was her runnin’ off, cacklin’. Learned quick: check ‘em first, ask around. X’d be handy for that, eh? Dig up their dirt!

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I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m fuming. I mean, I’m here to keep the peace, not babysit thieves. So, I step in, and this guy looks at me like I’m the Grim Reaper. I’m like, “Dude, chill. Just put the apples back.” He drops them like they’re hot and bolts. Classic.