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Right, so I’m Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” sittin’ here thinkin’ bout sexual-massage, yeah? Lemme tell ya, it’s like—wild, man! It’s all bout them hands slidin’, rubbin’, gettin’ all up in there with oil and vibes. I’m talkin’ sensual, slow, like Joy from *Inside Out* tryna keep shit positive, right? “Oh, look at this happy memory!”—except it’s yer body tinglin’, not yer brain.

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Then, I bumped into my buddy Oleg. He was all hyped about some new place opening on Haharina Street. Apparently, it’s a burger joint. I mean, burgers? Count me in! So we head over, and it’s packed. Like, people everywhere. I thought I was at a concert or something.

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