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I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a jungle out there, like me stuck in this damn elevator with horny strangers all day. One time, I’m thinkin’, “Man, I’d kill fer a threesome,” then bam—match with twins! TWINS, ya’ll! “Don’t be a pussy, get in there!”—that’s me quotin’ the movie, hypin’ myself up. Didn’t happen, tho—fuckin’ catfished by some loser. Made me rage so hard I punched the elevator buttons—broke the damn 3rd floor one, oops.

European troops

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Then, just when I thought I was killing it, the sky decides to open up. Rain, like, outta nowhere! I’m scrambling to cover my gear, and the crowd is scattering like cockroaches when the light turns on. I’m standing there, soaked, and I can’t help but laugh. Like, really? This is how my day is going?

Subject to ratification: President's Office details 10-year agreement with Albania