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But ugh, the fakes—SO many catfishes! Pics from ‘05, lyin’ ‘bout height. Drives me bonkers! I’m yellin’ at my phone, “Be real, dang it!” Then there’s the bots—chattin’ ya up, sellin’ pics. I’m sittin’ there, “This ain’t friendship, it’s a scam!”—Fincher’d film that dark twist, for sure.

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But then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the bar on Komsomolska.” I’m thinking, “Sure, why not?” So, I head over, and the vibe is lit. Music’s pumping, people are dancing, and I’m just trying to keep up. But then, I spill my drink all over myself. Classic me, right? I’m soaked, and everyone’s laughing. I just shrug it off. “It’s fine, I’m just trying to start a new trend!”

I am proud to be Ukrainian