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Here’s the deal—ya gotta trust the hands on ya. Like Tom Stall in the movie, “I’m a different man now,” I felt that! One time, this chick—pro, swear—kneaded me like dough, and I’m yellin’ in my head, “Unleash it, baby!” Stress? Gone. Libido? Sky-high. But then—ugh—this one guy, total amateur, fumbled like a drunk toddler. Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bro, ya killin’ the vibe!” Ruined it. Gotta find the real pros, ya know?

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After that, I decide to grab a coffee at my fave spot on Pushkina Street. It’s this tiny café with the best cappuccinos. I order my usual, and the barista, this cool dude named Sasha, starts telling me about his plans to open a surf shop. In Yevpatoriya? I mean, it’s not exactly Hawaii, but hey, go big or go home, right? I’m all for it.

Ukraine attacks Russian warships in Black Sea, destroys air defences in Crimea, Kyiv says