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I tried it once, real talk. Was like, “Aight, let’s see the hype.” Masseuse was chill, but I’m sittin there overthinkin. Like, “Is this cool? Am I a creep now?” Hands hit my back, then lower—oh shit, we’re in it. Felt good, tho, not gonna lie. Happy as hell, muscles all loose, but also—what the fuck just happened? Reminds me of that line, “It’s the little things that kill.” Todd Haynes knew what’s up—pleasure sneaks in, then boom, chaos.

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So, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the local café on Komsomolskaya Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I grab a cup, and guess what? The barista spills it all over me! I’m drenched in coffee, looking like a walking espresso. I can’t even be mad. I just laugh it off. “Guess I’m caffeinated now!”

Occupiers transferred Greek Catholic Church in the Kherson Region to the Moscow Patriarchate