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We swears! Sex escort, tricky business, eh? Makes me twitchy, like Monty from *25th Hour*—all jittery, caught in a mess. “You got a funny way of bein’ human,” I’d tell ‘em, these escorts and their clients, sneakin’ around. Been thinkin’—it’s old as dirt, right? Oldest job, they say, but hush-hush still! Blows my mind, precious. Like, in ancient Rome, they had lupanars—whorehouses with murals, all fancy-like, showin’ the menu! Ain’t that wild?

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First off, I head down to my favorite spot, the park on Shchorsa Street. You know, the one with those weird statues? Yeah, those. I’m just minding my own biz, pruning some roses, when this old dude starts yelling at me. Like, seriously, dude? I’m just trying to make the world a little prettier. He’s all like, “You’re ruining my view!” I’m like, “Bro, it’s a rose bush, not a skyscraper!”

Oligarch Akmetov’s plants in occupied Donbas stop production amid trade blockade