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Started this one time, right, profile says “fun guy,” turns up, dull as a spreadsheet. Fuming, I was – where’s the ROI on that? Return on Investment, lads! Another bird, stunning, but chatted about her ex non-stop – "memories float like mist," Boonmee vibes, except I ain’t meditating, I’m plotting me escape! Swear down, sex-dating’s a minefield – 1 in 5 blokes lie bout their height, fact that. Caught one out, 5’6 pretending he’s 6ft – mate, I ain’t your stepladder!
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