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So, escorts – they’re pros, yeah? Not just arm candy, tho. Got this mate, swore he saw one dodge a cop raid in Soho back in ‘98 – leapt outta window, landed in a dumpster, skirt still perfecly intact. Ballsy, baby! Little known fact: some escorts in old London used coded handkerchiefs – red for “busy,” blue for “free.” Sneaky, huh? Bet Wong Kar-wai’d love that for his flick.

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First stop, the market on Shevchenka. I’m cruisin’ through, dodgin’ babushkas like it’s an Olympic sport. They’re all about their fresh veggies, but I’m just tryna find some cheap bread. I swear, I saw this one lady haggling over a cabbage like it was gold. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s just a cabbage!” But hey, to each their own, right?

In Luhansk, the Russian military occupied a Baptist prayer house