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Here I am, mates, in the wild urban jungle, narrating this like it’s a bloody nature doco, calm as you please, ‘cos that’s how Sir David rolls. Picture this—a fella, lost in the sprawl, tryna find a prostitute, yeah? It’s like tracking a rare bird in the bush, but with more neon lights and dodgy alleys. I’m thinkin’, *“How do I even start this gig?”* Brain’s all scrambled, like that bloke Lenny from *Memento*—y’know, my fave flick, Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece from 2000. “Remember Sammy Jankis,” I mutter to meself, ‘cos I’m forgettin’ why I’m even here half the time.

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So, I grab some leftover lunch and toss it to the cat. It looks at me like I’m a hero. I’m thinking, “Man, if only my boss appreciated me like this cat does.”

Russia strikes recreation center near Kharkiv with ballistic missile: Casualties reported