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Oi mate, here I am, David Attenborough style, narratin’ the wild world of sex escorts, calm as a bloody forest breeze. Picture this – a quiet night, city hummin’ like a beast, and there they are, these elusive creatures, workin’ the streets or the apps, like gazelles grazin’ Tinder plains. Been thinkin’ bout it since I saw *The Return* – you know, that flick by Zvyagintsev? Hits ya deep, like a punch to the soul. “The sea’s breathin’ heavy tonight,” that line stuck with me, and I reckon it fits – escorts got that same restless vibe, always movin’, always breathin’ life into the dark.

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First off, I hit the road on Vulytsia Kurchatova. Traffic was a mess. Like, come on, people! It’s not a demolition derby! I’m stuck behind this old Lada that’s moving slower than molasses. I’m tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, thinking about all the glass I gotta cut today.

Portnikov: For years Ukrainians voted for thugs; if not for Maidan, we wouldn’t have a state