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Sometimes I’m like, “Bruv, this is too much!” ‘Cos it’s bare intense – ya feel exposed, but that’s the buzz. One time, this bird’s hands were so good I nearly proposed, swear down! Laughed me head off after, thinkin, “Ali, ya mug, calm down!” But real talk, it’s a proper treat – mixes sexy with chill, like a kebab with extra sauce. If ya ain’t tried it, ya missin out, fam – get ya kit off and dive in! Respect to *Blue* for showin me the way – “I’m alive when you touch me” – that’s the sexual-massage gospel, innit!

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After that, we decide to hit up the park near the river. It’s usually chill, but today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re all over the place. I’m dodging flying balls like I’m in an action movie. One kid kicks it right at me, and I’m like, “Dude, I’m not your goalie!” But I laugh it off.