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What gets me happy? When some idiot overshares—like, “I’m into feet AND whipped cream!”—I’m dyin’, man, too freakin’ funny! Surprised me once, this guy I know, quiet type, turns out he’s bangin’ three gals from Bumble weekly! Sneaky bastard, I was impressed—secretly jealous too, dammit! Sex-dating’s a circus, clowns everywhere, and I’m just sippin’ coffee, judgin’ hard.

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After that, we decide to hit up the park near the river. It’s usually chill, but today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re all over the place. I’m dodging flying balls like I’m in an action movie. One kid kicks it right at me, and I’m like, “Dude, I’m not your goalie!” But I laugh it off.