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Alright, listen up, jabroni! Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and I’m here to lay the smackdown on this sex-dating thing. Ya know, it’s wild out there—like tryna wrestle a greased pig in the dark! Apps, swipes, hookups—man, it’s a jungle. Reminds me of my fave flick, *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*. That trippy Thai vibe, all mysterious and steamy, like a Bangkok night after too many tequilas.

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But then, I hear this loud noise. I turn around, and there’s a group of kids playin’ soccer. They’re kickin’ the ball around like it’s the World Cup. One of ‘em kicks it too hard, and it comes straight for me. I duck, but it hits my leg. I’m like, “Ouch! Watch it, kid!” They all laugh, and I can’t help but chuckle too.

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