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About Kryvyi Rih

Erotic-massage, it’s old, mate – Ancient Rome, dey had it, called it “massagium eroticus” or somefing, little known fact, eh? Dey rubbed olive oil, got all steamy – sounds dope, right? Makes me wanna break outta here, get me some! But nah, stuck wit dese losers, no happy endings, just bars. “Lightbulb!” – imagine if I snuck one in, warden gets a massage, ha! Prisoners’d riot, “Gru’s gone soft!”

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. Like, heavy rain. I’m caught off guard, and I’m sprintin’ for cover. I duck into this little shop on Haharina Street. It’s packed with all sorts of knick-knacks. I’m lookin’ around, and I see this wooden bear statue. I’m like, “Man, that’s a solid piece of work!” I ask the shopkeeper about it, and he starts tellin’ me how it’s made from local wood. I’m all impressed, but then I realize I’m drippin’ water everywhere.

Ukraine war: Blackouts across Ukraine amid wave of Russian strikes