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So, sexual-massage – it’s old as dirt. Ancient Rome had these rubdowns, senators gettin’ frisky with olive oil, slaves kneadin’ their backsides. Little known fact: they called it “massage a deux” – fancy, right? Dirty bastards knew how to live! Makes me happy thinkin’ how greed drove ‘em – more oil, more hands, more moans!

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Then, outta nowhere, this girl runs up. She’s all dressed up, lookin’ like she’s ready for a fashion show. But she’s got this huge, fluffy dog with her. Like, what’s up with that? I’m thinkin’, “Is this a club or a petting zoo?” She’s like, “He’s my emotional support dog.” I’m like, “Lady, this ain’t a therapy session.” But she’s persistent. I let her in, but only after she promises to keep the pup chill. Spoiler alert: the dog was a total diva.

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