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So, picture this – I’m David Brent, yeah, king of the cringe, struttin’ into the office goin’, “Team, let’s synergise our core competencies and get massaged, yeah?” Imagine the lads’ faces! I’d be buzzin’, proper chuffed, cos a good erotic-massage sorts ya right out – stress gone, productivity up, it’s a win-win, fam! But nah, some muppet’s always like, “That’s a bit saucy, Brent,” and I’m fumin’, cos they don’t get it – it’s art, mate, not just a quick fumble.

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I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, but I know drama when I see it.” I finally get them apart, and they storm out. But not before the guy throws his drink at me. Like, really? I’m just doin’ my job! I wipe my face and laugh it off. “Nice aim, buddy!”

Fig. 1. The location of the Danube Delta and the available network of...