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Best bit? The tease—hands hoverin, you’re gaspin, “Finish the job!” Like Plainview screamin, “Drainage! Drainage!”—wantin every drop of that bliss. Cringey? Maybe, but I’m the king of cringe, mate—own it! Reckon I’d be a legend at givin one too—fingers like a poet, slippin oil like I’m pitchin a merger.

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But then, I see this dude. He’s tryin’ to sell me some “authentic” Ukrainian crafts. I mean, c’mon, bro. I’m a raftsman, not a tourist! I’m like, “Dude, I’m good.” But he keeps pushin’. I’m thinkin’, “Is this how you make a living?” I just wanna float down the river, not haggle over trinkets.

Ukraine war: Kyiv launches counter-attacks after Russian invasion stalled